A thoughtful, poignant essay. It’s interesting that it came the day after I’d had much the same conversation with a son of mine. A son whose ideas I respect and many of whose conclusions I share. I think there’s a reason your blog and our conversation were congruent. I think there’s a reason most things happen. I am old. My belief has become strong and more and more simple as I live. Our job is to be kind to others and help them in any way we can.
Oh, and tell your little girl who was named for me, that I believe when old people go to heaven they awaken as themselves and grow younger until they are simply adults - really nice ones.
I recommend the book Parenting Beyond Belief and the UUA.org's religious education curricula. It's about exploring one's own values, learning about the different faiths of the world and what parts might resonate with each individual, and respect for others. I feel that inculcating one's child with one's own values provides a much better inoculation against, say, cults because the child is well-grounded and less likely to be swayed. The child can say "does that align with my values?" and judge accordingly. Unitarian Univeralists' values are secular humanist, "good without god" values that align with what Lakoff would call "progressive values": nurturing compassion, empathy, and working together to reach a common goal.
I remember one summer I volunteered to do a children's class and, as a linguist, I chose language origin myths. Re-reading the Tower of Babel story I was shocked at just how antithetical it was to the secular humanist values I had taught my children. Here you have a group of humans who have worked together using creative engineering to build something impressive, and along comes a petty, narcissistic "father" god who want humans to be never grow up and be independent, so, petulantly, he ruins their tower and curses them to all speak different languages. "Hey kids, what do you think of this god? Would you worship him?" Clearly the answer would be No. Neither, we decided, would he be a good role model. As an adult, I find the Bible to be Rated R, inappropriate for children, and every time I try to read something in it, I am shocked and appalled. As a child, I found it far too inconsistent and illogical to figure out--particularly with Swedenborgians constantly saying "but that actually means this!" Huh?!
(One favorite memory: Minister--"'Man' isn't sexist, it refers to all human beings." Me--"Then the 'man and wife' in the marriage vows means you allow lesbian marriage but discriminate against gay men?" Minister--no answer. I never understood their "logic.")
When my kids were in upper elementary we read all the Rick Riordan books. We didn't talk about whether or not gods existed, but rather, "why do humans need gods? Is it for a sense of safety--would you feel better with a supernatural being watching out for you?" My son, who hadn't even wanted the tooth fairy to come near his pillow, was not keen on supernatural beings. I asked "if you were going to choose I god, which one would you choose and why?" I would choose Athena, I said, as she is the patron goddess of my alma mater, and as the goddess of war strategy AND of domestic life, a good example of, imo, fierce motherhood. My daughter chose Anubis--she liked the dog head and she's into liminal spaces. Focusing on gods as a "need" rather than "do they exist" is a nice bit of verbal aikido to disengage from Christian apologists.
As young adults, my son is firmly atheist while my daughter is interested in religions to the point of considering minoring in religion. She tells me "they're not all like Christianity!" Both my children, I am proud to say, are collectivist, compassionate, empathetic, intellectual, and supportive of justice. They, too, thought church was boring. I often went to the UU Church alone to learn what to teach them. As Lakoff says in Don't Think of an Elephant, it's all about values and framing them in a way that works.
A thoughtful, poignant essay. It’s interesting that it came the day after I’d had much the same conversation with a son of mine. A son whose ideas I respect and many of whose conclusions I share. I think there’s a reason your blog and our conversation were congruent. I think there’s a reason most things happen. I am old. My belief has become strong and more and more simple as I live. Our job is to be kind to others and help them in any way we can.
Oh, and tell your little girl who was named for me, that I believe when old people go to heaven they awaken as themselves and grow younger until they are simply adults - really nice ones.
I recommend the book Parenting Beyond Belief and the UUA.org's religious education curricula. It's about exploring one's own values, learning about the different faiths of the world and what parts might resonate with each individual, and respect for others. I feel that inculcating one's child with one's own values provides a much better inoculation against, say, cults because the child is well-grounded and less likely to be swayed. The child can say "does that align with my values?" and judge accordingly. Unitarian Univeralists' values are secular humanist, "good without god" values that align with what Lakoff would call "progressive values": nurturing compassion, empathy, and working together to reach a common goal.
I remember one summer I volunteered to do a children's class and, as a linguist, I chose language origin myths. Re-reading the Tower of Babel story I was shocked at just how antithetical it was to the secular humanist values I had taught my children. Here you have a group of humans who have worked together using creative engineering to build something impressive, and along comes a petty, narcissistic "father" god who want humans to be never grow up and be independent, so, petulantly, he ruins their tower and curses them to all speak different languages. "Hey kids, what do you think of this god? Would you worship him?" Clearly the answer would be No. Neither, we decided, would he be a good role model. As an adult, I find the Bible to be Rated R, inappropriate for children, and every time I try to read something in it, I am shocked and appalled. As a child, I found it far too inconsistent and illogical to figure out--particularly with Swedenborgians constantly saying "but that actually means this!" Huh?!
(One favorite memory: Minister--"'Man' isn't sexist, it refers to all human beings." Me--"Then the 'man and wife' in the marriage vows means you allow lesbian marriage but discriminate against gay men?" Minister--no answer. I never understood their "logic.")
When my kids were in upper elementary we read all the Rick Riordan books. We didn't talk about whether or not gods existed, but rather, "why do humans need gods? Is it for a sense of safety--would you feel better with a supernatural being watching out for you?" My son, who hadn't even wanted the tooth fairy to come near his pillow, was not keen on supernatural beings. I asked "if you were going to choose I god, which one would you choose and why?" I would choose Athena, I said, as she is the patron goddess of my alma mater, and as the goddess of war strategy AND of domestic life, a good example of, imo, fierce motherhood. My daughter chose Anubis--she liked the dog head and she's into liminal spaces. Focusing on gods as a "need" rather than "do they exist" is a nice bit of verbal aikido to disengage from Christian apologists.
As young adults, my son is firmly atheist while my daughter is interested in religions to the point of considering minoring in religion. She tells me "they're not all like Christianity!" Both my children, I am proud to say, are collectivist, compassionate, empathetic, intellectual, and supportive of justice. They, too, thought church was boring. I often went to the UU Church alone to learn what to teach them. As Lakoff says in Don't Think of an Elephant, it's all about values and framing them in a way that works.